By Ron Brookman

Some, or all of these may help you:

• Use your singleness to prepare yourself to love well. Insecurity undermines love. Deal with all areas of insecurity and co-dependency through prayer, counselling, groups so that you become less needy and more able to give yourself as a whole person, to serve Jesus and to a future spouse, if that is your hope.
• Make your home an inviting and welcoming place. Create it as a sanctuary, a special place where you’re intimate with Jesus, and into which you may welcome a future spouse, and which can be used to bless others with hospitality.
• Practise solitude. Ensure your life is not so busy that you can’t take at least a few hours a week just to
  be….alone. Not being able to do this may indicate insecurity and unresolved issues, which will undermine devotion to the Lord and any future marriage. Celibacy is to be devoted 1st and foremost to Jesus, which remains the priority in marriage. To be devoted to Him is to be able to sit with Him, seek Him, become aware of His presence, delight in Him, practise the spiritual disciplines, and to get your guidance as to how to live and serve Him.
• Learn how to pour the pain of your singleness and loneliness out to Jesus. He too was single. He understands. If you’re angry with God that you’re not married, express your anger to Him, then re-assert yourself in the security of being second, a practise of any whole person. Accept that while you may not be able to understand, singleness is God’s purpose for you at this time. So look for the benefits, blessings and opportunities that it brings, and give thanks.
• Develop healthy relationships with individuals and in groups, where you are able to share intimately, where you can confess your sin, express your pain, be accepted and real, where you can share and develop your passion, and receive encouragement in your life calling. Emotional intimacy helps satisfy your need to connect with others, reducing pressure for sexual intimacy.
• Set yourself goals in life. Don’t spend your life waiting for a spouse. Your peace and well being in life depend on you and God, not on another!
• Make your financial base secure, able to support or contribute to the work of the Kingdom of God. Upgrade your qualifications. Extend your employability.
• Divert your sexual energy (to adore, connect, create, love, be passionate) into other positive activities. This is to sublimate. Some ideas to develop:
  • Worship the Lord
  • Exercise, sport, recreation
  • Serve others: garden, bake, call, visit the lonely
  • Creativity: musical instrument, art, craft,
  • Write letters, cards,
  • Develop your passion or your calling in life
• Nurture your passion. God has placed something in your spirit which gives you life and fulfilment, and which brings blessing to others. Discover it, develop it and do it!
• If masturbation is a problem, get it into perspective. Work on freeing yourself from the lust, fantasy, visual triggers and any compulsivity. Putting those to death will decrease the want, which will bring you victory over it and freedom from it. Focus on the glory of marital love and the awaiting ecstasies of Heaven. Comparatively you will be able to relegate masturbation to the cheap imitation that it is!