By Mauricio Arce

It was April 2006 and I was desperate. I had been to psychiatrists, psychologists, pastors and exorcists in my home country Costa Rica, but none of them could help me to gain freedom from my longstanding same sex attraction. Finally, after much persistence, I was accepted to participate in the Living Waters leadership training in Cordoba, Argentina.

The first night of the training, it was as if a dam broke on the inside of me and I cried and cried through the whole week of the training. In every teaching I heard about the roots of my wounding, how hurt I was because of the sexual child abuse I had endured, because of my family and church relationships. It made me feel so sad but at the same time there was so much hope! It was the first time I opened up my heart in a small group, a circle of trust I had never been in before!

Nevertheless, my head and my heart were still disconnected on some levels. I could describe hurtful things that happened in my past without showing any kind of pain, just like telling someone else’s story, not mine.

A year later, I took part in my second Living Waters Training in Argentina, this time not as a participant but as the assistant of a small group leader. It helped me to see how the Lord was blessing my life and the distance I had already walked. In my heart I wanted to do an internship at Desert Stream Ministries and to my surprise Andrew asked me to consider it and I agreed!

My internship in the US was a transforming experience! I took part in the 16 week Living Waters pilot for leaders and in every teaching I was surprised how the program seemed to be designed especially for me! The group seemed to be answering my endless questions about my behavior, roots of isolation, shame, resentment of my family and country, reactions to my own gender. The process was not easy: I cried a lot, but every time it happened, I felt release from the pain and the memories associated with it. My heart and my head finally connected!

While I was in Kansas City, the weeklong US- Living Waters training took place and I thought I was going to help organizing it. Unexpectedly, I was asked to be a small group leader, and I accepted it as a challenge, with fear and trembling. It was an incredible experience, the first time I did listening prayer, and to my surprise the Lord gave me words for the participants and it was a blessing for them! It was something I will never forget, the Lord gave the right words to everyone in perfect English that I usually don’t speak!

The program finished and the balance was completely positive. I am a more whole man of God, more secure in Him and myself and proud of what the Lord continues doing in my life! Now back in Costa Rica, I am planning to start a SALT group this March with the full approval of my church leadership. By the grace of God, it will eventually develop into Living Waters.

From DesertStream.org